Insists charges of self-satisfaction
totally false; plans to wage a heehawhod
against forces of evil in our society.

All right, so Jesus didn't really visit the campus, but Cardinal Rodebode of the West Texas Diocese did drop by in response to an article in the Pecos Bill Junior College school paper, The PBJC Collegian and Collagen calling for him to step down, jump around, and pick a bale o' cotton after photos of the Cardinal and a student surfaced on the internet. [see below].

Cardinal Rodebode demonstrating use of
sex toy to unidentified student.

"I did not bless that student," Rodebode declared in front of a stunned audience at the impromptu news conference. "Let me reiterate it," he went on. "I don't want to agree to a characterization of it; I want to just say what it was...that my memory is that on some date in December -- and I'm sorry I don't remember when it was -- he said, well, what if they ask me about the blessings you have given me? And I said, well, if you get a request to produce those, you have to give them whatever you have. And it just -- to me, it -- I didn't then, I don't now see this as a problem. And if he thought it was a problem, I think it must have been from really a misapprehension of the circumstances."

On closer scrutiny, it was determined that the object
in Rodebode's right hand suspiciously resembled an
aspergillum--a device used to dispense holy water .

Rodebode then offered to demonstrate the use of the device on the assemblage whereupon the crowd grew unruly and security officers at the scene were forced to surround the Cardinal who began screaming that he would call for a Heehawhod, which is a holy wart, to appear upon the faces of the "leaders of the forces of evil and chicanery that threaten to destroy our civilization."